I have lived with chronic pain since 1996. Actually it started before that but it was managable, in '96 is when I started treatment with pain meds, had gobs of surgery and my life as I knew it changed completely. As did the life of my husband.
Many men would have walked away from this situation, my first husband would have... this I know for a fact. But my current husband and I just marked our 20th Wedding Anniversary in Sept.
It has not been easy but not once has he complained, atleast where I could hear him. If he comes home from work and I am asleep, he cooks dinner for the kids. I got tired of fussing about dirty floors and bathtubs (and it wasn't fair to fuss at him about it) so we just budgeted in $100 a month to hire someone to come in and clean the floors and bathrooms. She comes twice a month and does a fair job, but she is young and doesn't give a rat's patoot or have the work ethic that the first mature woman I hired had. The first lady I hired actually dusted, cleaned the kitchen and knocked down cobwebs as well as floors and bathrooms..... for $50.00 twice a month. Unfortunatly, she became ill and had to go to work for a corporation to get insurance.
Sex.... well. It may sound horrible but even when I'm not "in the mood" I go for it a couple times a week because it's the right thing to do. He doesn't push it, he doesn't complain and if he can tell that I really feel crappy he will turn me down. But I always put on a happy face and usually get into it (he's good) after a few minutes. There have been occassions where we may go a month but pleasure can be had in ways other than the traditional. We are creative.
He is very aware of the fact that during the winter months I am pretty much homebound due to the proliferation of germs out in public. Folks are pretty nasty and my immune system is shot due to 5 years of IV antibiotics. Closed in spaces such as movie theaters are horrible, concerts, etc. So we take weekend trips to small towns and hit the antique stores or just see the sites. We rent lots of movies to watch at home and have friends over for pizza and visit with family.
He has had to take over the grocery shopping for the same reason. People think nothing of sneezing in your face. We don't eat fast food or salad bars. I am very careful about what restaurants I eat at because one filthy cook can put me in bed for a week.
He doesn't complain.
I tell him often how much I love and appreciate him and all that he does for me. I DO NOT COMPLAIN TO HIM OR OTHERS ABOUT HOW SHITTY I FEEL. What good does it do and who wants to hear it? He knows me well enough to read it on my face, or by the way I walk.
My oldest daughter is amazing too but it is different. My youngest at the age of 18 is only into herself plus she has pretty much grown up with me being ill so she doesn't know what to do or when to do it. She will learn.
I hope that you all have someone as wonderful as I do.
Be happy, find happiness in a hobby, friends, pets, family anything. Don't let yourself be alone. I'm here for you if nothing else.
2 comments:
Thank you! I live in daily chronic pain. It has been going on for three years now. Somedays I can walk, some days I can't. I even went as far as having a neuro spinal stimulator implanted this spring, it helps, I guess. But the one thing that ALWAYS helps is my wife. She doesn't complain, even though a large amount of the financial burden now falls upon her. She knows when the pain is really bad. She loves me even when I feel unlovable.
Sex can be an issue. The nerve damage does not always insure that I am functional. But when all does work, I feel deeply loved. And when all doesn't work, your right, creativity is great!
The thing that keeps me going day after day is family. I have learned that I feel best if I focus on the other people in my life instead of my pain. I am the domestic partner, so I keep all schedules. I drop off, pick up, plan meals, cook, shop( when I can,) and anything else that allows me to focus on my wife and daughters instead of me. The family pets, have become family. Frienships have grown even closer. And the love of, and for my partner is at a level I never dreamed it could be. Of course we argue sometimes,but who doesn't!
Please, if you read this know one thing. Chronic pain will draw every once of strength and hope from you, all of you. But focusing on others will recharge that empty space. If you allow yourself to stop being the focus of your constant thought, hope does return.
Yes, I must agree with everything you have mentioned. I had my first back surgery at 34 just 4 years ago. Now they want to rebuild my back with rods, metal, screws and fusing. Soulnd like more fun than I want. I also have a WONDERFUL husband. He looks after me like there's nothing else he cares about at the time. I have now found out I have a severe vitamin d deficiency. I have to take 50000
a week for 12 months to try to rebuild it. Pain meds have stopped working due to the vitamin problems. and they keep adding stronger and more. What happens when none work? I just get to hurt with no relief.
But I pray daily and by the grace of God I will get better and live a normal life. I have endured enough pain for alot of people and try not to complain.GOD BLESS and good luck to all..
Post a Comment